Addages that Don’t Add Up

Well, June is a thing of the past and July is upon us once again. Most Texans with any wealth have hit the dry and dusty trail out of here for a few months, most likely seeking the pleasant and mild air of Colorado or the tropical beaches of the Caribbean. Those of us without wealth… well, we still love Texas but we must endure the hell that is summer here. Today I left my air conditioned bunker and ventured into the furnace to restock the bank and de-stock the grocery store for necessary supplies. I ate lunch along the way and was quickly reminded of an old adage as I strolled the Kroger aisles.

“Never go shopping on an empty stomach.”

The logic behind this simple statement is this: if you’re hungry when shopping for groceries, you’ll be tempted to buy whatever you’d like to eat — right now and get saddled with an unbearable cost. Unnecessary culinary guests may find their way into your shopping cart and pretty soon a gallon of milk and loaf of bread turn into a 55-dollar bill. Makes sense, right? Craving shopping isn’t responsible shopping.

However, if you’re stuffed, say with a muchaco, taco, and some chips, shopping isn’t very fun, either. As you walk the aisles, nothing seems appealing. You know in your mind that you’ll eventually need food but right now your stomach just wants to sit down. And your shopping list becomes… a list to satisfy some other time, say, when you’re not so full.

“Never go shopping on an empty or full stomach.”

Maybe here’s where we need to apply one of those swimming rules. You know, never go swimming within 30 minutes of eating something? So in this case, it would be… never go shopping within 30 minutes of eating something? Or, better yet, never go shopping within two hours of eating.

And, say, what’s with that “stitch in time saves nine “? Or “haste makes waste?” How do you stitch the forward progression of the universe? With a needle and thread? And as for haste, these days haste makes employment. We live in a rushed society, one in which a three-minute stoplight ruins someone’s entire schedule. A failure to be fast makes one expendable. Know of many full-serve gas stations? One-hour oil change shops? Lemonade stands? (I don’t know what that one has to do with anything; it just came to mind).

So the moral of my afternoon is to not go shopping on a full stomach. Makes for an unpleasant experience. There. Now it’s time to fix dinner.

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